Coping Around the Holidays After Divorce

The first couple of years after ending a marriage or long-term relationship can be lonely and stressful. Some of these feelings are inevitable but there are some things that you can do to help get through the difficult times and turn things around to get through this time of year with renewed hope and energy. Here are some things that helped me.
Decorate – The first year after my divorce I really didn’t want to put up a bunch of holiday décor but I knew that I needed to do something as being a grinch could spiral and make things worse. I gathered the energy to put up my decorations and was happy that I did because it helped build a positive environment for me. I didn’t go crazy but having a tree up and lights did brighten up the townhome that I was renting. I am a firm believer that doing small positive things will build to a steady state of positiveness. Keep that glass half full even when it’s difficult!

Lean on Friends – I had met some amazing ladies through a divorce group meetup a few months after I separated from my ex-husband. We obviously had the fact that we were going through something similar in common. It dawned on me that we all had kids and likely had to split time with them over the holidays. I brought it up to them and said that there is no reason for us to be alone when our kids were with their fathers. We found a time where a few of us were available on Christmas day and we planned a nice dinner. I had breakfast with my kids and then sent them on their merry way to spend the rest of the day with their father. 2 of my girlfriends came over for dinner. I cooked up filet mignon and each of them brought a side. We had such a great time eating, drinking, talking, opening gifts and even watching Christmas movies on TV. It made such a difference that first Christmas and we are the closest of friends 2 years later. We have even created some other traditions around other holidays. Check out my blog post on finding support groups through Meetup here: https://divorceddesigndiva.com/divorce-stories/support-during-divorce/

Create New Traditions – I had always hand written Christmas cards and printed cute labels and sent them out every year for over 20 years. Doing that was just going to put me in a negative frame of mind as it would just remind me of years past and what I felt I lost. There was no way that I was going to send out cards. I decided to create an e-card. I texted it to some friends, emailed it to others and posted it to my Facebook page. It was just the right amount of sharing for me. I used the opportunity to add a message that I had moved and to share my new address. The first year I kept it simple with a generic holiday picture and greeting. The next year I did the same thing and added a picture of my kids and I. This Christmas, I added more pictures (one of the Eiffel Tower from my trip to Paris in 2019 and another of my Christmas tree in my new townhome which I purchased in 2019). My e-cards are now a tradition that I enjoy. Next year I will include a pic from my trip to Tokyo that I have planned in 2020!

GIVE – People always talk about giving to those that are less fortunate than ourselves. I think most people do that when they can. There are other small ways to give that may cheer you and others up. I had been in the townhouse that I was renting for 3 months before the holidays 2 years ago. I had met my neighbors but didn’t know them very well at all. I baked cookies and made cookie plates that Christmas and attached a card and personally knocked on my neighbors’ doors to say hello and to give them the cookie plate. They were so touched and said that no one in the neighborhood had done that before. It put a smile on my face, distracted me from being bored and getting lonely and made my neighbors smile.

I hope you find some inspiration in this article. Happy Holidays!